President Obama, December  8, 2011:

As the father of two daughters, I think it is important for us to make sure that we apply some common sense to various rules when it comes to over-the-counter medicine. As I understand it, the reason Kathleen [Sebelius] made this decision was she could not be confident that a 10-year old or an 11-year old going to a drug store should be able alongside bubble gum or batteries be able to buy a medication that potentially if not used properly could end up having an adverse effect. And I think most parents would probably feel the same way….

The Radical Housewife, October 5, 2010:

Contemplating our children as sexual beings feels creepy; we don’t want to do it.

Would I want know if my daughter wanted an abortion? Of course. Every parenting decision I make is guided by my desire to build trust and respect in our family. I would want to know about her abortion; I would want to know about her pregnancy; I would want to know that she was sexually active. Do I have the right to all of this information? No. I work to earn her trust, but I can’t force her to give it to me.

No law can force a trusting relationship that doesn’t exist. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics supports this view, stating that “legislation mandating parental involvement does not achieve the intended benefit of promoting family communication, but it does increase the risk of harm to the adolescent by delaying access to appropriate medical care.”

Jezebel.com, December 6, 2011:

Lyrics by Khalil Gibran, from The Prophet (emphasis mine).

They come through you, but not from you.
And yet they are with you, they belong not to you.
You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.
They have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies, but not their souls,
for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them just like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

This post was inspired by Hillary Adams, the young woman who videotaped her abuse at the hands of her parents, Texas county judge William Adams and his former wife Hallie Adams.  It is dedicated to parents everywhere who might believe, even for a moment, that they have the “right” to hurt their children.

It is also dedicated to abolishing the belief that children “belong” to anyone but themselves.

For further information or to get help:

Tubman Family Alliance

Men as Peacemakers

Prevent Child Abuse Minnesota

Jacob Wetterling Foundation

Does that make sense now?

Is that simple enough?

It better be, for I no longer have any interest whatsoever in defending the words “slut” or “SlutWalk.”  Really.  I’m done.  One more interview with the college kid who wrote me this morning and THAT’S IT.

Right now I’m in triage mode.  Sexual assault survivors I know are hurt.  They feel attacked, and for good reason.  They are triggered.  I am triggered, observing them.  Just because I haven’t experienced rape today, doesn’t mean I won’t tomorrow.  No woman can say she’s out from under the shadow of rape culture for as long as she lives.

Conservative estimates (via RAINN) guess that a person is sexually assaulted in the United States every two seconds.  By the time I finish this post, there will be …  christ, who am I kidding?  Untold numbers of people–sisters, mothers, daughters, brothers, sons–will experience sexual violence at the rate I’m going.

Eldridge Cleaver said that if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.  I hate to get all binary, but that’s what happens when I’m pissed off.

So which are you?  A solution?  A problem?  If you’re not sure, ask around.  One of your friends is a rape survivor: ask her.  Ask what she was wearing when she was assaulted.  What she was doing.  What she’d been drinking and how much.  Ask how she’d feel if a discussion on the merits SlutWalk degenerated into a referendum on how her recovery from her rape is going.

Go ahead, ask!

I’ll wait.

In the meantime, I’ll remind you that I’m not so far up on my high horse that I cannot accept criticism.  Far from it–as a Privileged White Woman, learning from others is my job!  I’m serious!  PWW isn’t a label I reject.  How can I reject something that’s true?  I mean, have you SEEN me?

Have you heard back from your survivor friend yet?  The RAINN clock is ticking, you know.

Aishah Shahidah Simmons said in her address to the participants of SlutWalk Philadelphia, “as strange as it may seem today, I’m sure some, if not many people [once] took the position ‘what do you mean take back the night? You shouldn’t be out at night!’”  Will SlutWalks last forever?  I have no idea.  Nor do I care!

We won’t always agree, and we shouldn’t.  A movement like that would be too boring for words–even words like “slut” and “SlutWalk.”

JUST LEAVE THE SURVIVORS THE HELL ALONE.

Now.

Please.

Thank you.

That about sums up what I just told a reporter seeking my comments on an invented controversy swirling around the upcoming SlutWalk Minneapolis.  In a twist on what Jessica Valenti famously requested of the Morning Joe crew on MSNBC, I inquired of this reporter: “Minnesota NOW has supported Take Back the Night marches in the past, but you didn’t call me for comment about those, did you?”  Um, no.

I also told him that reappropriating the word “slut” isn’t new–Kathleen Hanna was doing it nearly twenty years ago.

In 2000, Gloria Steinem was asked by BUST’s Debbie Stoller (aka Celina Hex) what she thought of the ’90s riot grrrl movement.  Steinem said, ”I was really fascinated by it and applauded it…[but] it’s true that older feminists don’t always recognize feminism when it comes in a different form.”

The reporter I spoke with today asked if I wouldn’t mind sharing my age and generation identification.  ”I’m 39,” I answered, a Free to Be…You & Me baby and riot grrrl Third Waver sandwiched between the Second Wave and the new breed of feminist online networkers.  There’s plenty I can learn from both of these groups of people, but I would never in a million years be so arrogant as to assume that THEY have something to learn from ME.  ”The more we listen to one another,” I told the reporter, “the more we can get beyond words and move towards action.”

After all, a word (A WORD!) on Kathleen’s stomach didn’t end rape or rape culture, did it?

This is a picture of my son on his eleventh birthday. He and his sister (and his cousin, not pictured) wore orange so we could identify them in the chaos that is the amusement park inside the Mall of America.