READERS! From the feedback you give me, the majority of you are bio-women, which means that you have insatiable sex drives and need to hump the living daylights out of everything you see. It’s a terrible burden, I know, but I’m here to make your life easier! I have discovered a foolproof new system that will allow you to unplug your Magic Wand long enough to get out and do your grocery shopping. Take a look!
After you stop laughing, do a quick check of your lady parts: any dampness or tingling? Are your cheeks flushed? How about the rest of your skin? Any goosebumps at all? Is your breathing heavy? No?
GOOD! Your libido is now under control. You may now fetch your prescriptions without sexually harassing the pharmacist, the clerk, and the elderly woman in line behind you. Repeat as needed to function in polite society.