Cheerleading turtle-burners against women

This weekend, a truly astounding anti-feminist  letter was published by the newspaper of record in glamorous Fargo, North Dakota.*  Its author, one Michael A. Ross of Hawley, Minnesota, believes he not only knows the root of our societal suffering, but he also has the cure for what ails us all.

It’s cheerleaders.

 

No, really!  Sit down, pour yourself another cup of coffee, and prepare to have your mind blown!

Mr. Ross begins:

Men have ruled every civilization since the beginning of time and always will. That is not the question. The question is, will a civilization be ruled by good men or evil men?

“Always will” is your clue that you have left the 21st century and are descending into Schlaflyland,™ a pale pink universe that, in a twist of delicious irony, would require its leader, the venerable Mrs. John Schlafly Jr, to stop her traitorous habit of speaking in public, let alone allow anyone to refer to her as “Phyllis.”

Schlaflyland™ is a familiar enough place to my readers, but Mr. Ross isn’t content to linger there–after all, such a place is run by a woman, and that’s a Bad Thing.  Read on:

Historically, evil men have ruled. Evil men rule today. When good men rule, it’s ordinary men exercising leadership in their homes, local churches, local civil government, local business and commerce.

So if I understand correctly, in the thousands of years of modern civilization, only evil men have ruled–but for the brief spell in which Eisenhower was president.  Gotcha.

When evil men rule, it is a handful of political, corporate, and monetary elitists that control nearly all the wealth in the economy. They rule from corporate boardrooms, Washington and Wall Street. It is their strategy to attack ordinary men as the heads of their families and other traditional institutions. They do this by pushing women out of their homes and into the workforce by creating an economy that requires both parents to work.

What?  You mean this FEMINISM thing can’t be blamed on WOMEN?  It’s all a conspiracy by a cabal of evil men?   Gloria Steinem must be so relieved.

Also, by pushing them into jobs traditionally reserved for men: soldier, police officer, firefighter, physician, truck driver, etc. And by pushing schoolgirls into highly competitive varsity athletics traditionally reserved for boys, just to name a few. 

Only “highly competitive” sports, sir?  Does that mean ladies are welcome at gentle games?  Like badminton or varsity cupcake baking?

Any wife who is contentious with her husband’s leadership, any woman who takes a man’s pulpit, or seeks employment that has been traditionally reserved for men, has played into the elitists’ hands.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, MRS. MARCUS BACHMANN?? Get out of the federal House and back into your house!   When Marcus does his own laundry, the elitists win!!

Traditional male leadership is no guarantee of a decent and just society, but it is a prerequisite. A truly free and just society will be one that promotes women as homemakers and mothers, nurses, teachers, secretaries and cheerleaders.

That’s the darling Mrs. Bachmann (née Michele Amble) on the right.  What a cutie.  All this Wall Street corruption is so obviously her fault.

Not being content with a good chuckle at Mr. Ross’s expense, I took the additional step of Googling his name and location.  Why not?  He might be the author of more amusing editorials that would appeal to my blog readers.  I have a duty to keep all two of you amused and entertained, especially on days when writing satire myself would be too exhausting (I am a married lady, after all).

To  my surprise, I found something even more bizarre–this headline:

HAWLEY TEEN SENTENCED IN TURTLE BURNING

It seems that several years ago, an 18-year-old named Joel Charles Ross filmed himself and two friends lighting a snapping turtle on fire.  The idiots then uploaded their torture of the poor reptile, which was forwarded to local authorities.  The young Mr. Ross was sentenced to community service, a $500 fine, and five days in the clink for pleading guilty to misdemeanor animal cruelty.

Here is a photo I found of Mr. Ross the elder, and his lovely wife Vicky.  It appeared in another Fargo Forum article, this time in celebration of the couple’s 25th wedding anniversary:

How could such an adorable couple spawn a child capable of such a stupid and senseless act?  Setting a turtle on fire for kicks is something only an evil man would do.

It’s the cheerleaders’ fault.

 

 

*It is easy for outsiders to mock Fargo, yes, but I come by my scorn honestly–a good half of the relatives I have spent my adulthood avoiding are North Dakotans.  This my one perk.

 

 

 

9 Responses to “Cheerleading turtle-burners against women”

  1. Kathryn Sullivan says:

    This is the mind set of the people we face. Degradation, ridicule, finding our ‘place’….hoping it will discourage us……but we can stop this when we all understand how stupifying it is for the entire universe.

  2. jen says:

    i think you struck gold with this one. keep tabs on him. he’s hilarious! rich, rich fodder.

  3. I am extremely embarrassed that this is even associated with Fargo. I’m very proud of where I live (Fargo) and most of the people that live here. It’s backwards wingnuts like Mr. Ross that continue to give the upper midwest a black eye.

    On behalf of the Fargo/Moorhead area I sincerely apologize.

  4. Shannon says:

    Just because the letter was sent to the Fargo newspaper does not mean that this embarrassment to society is any reflection on the rest of us. Besides, he’s from Minnesota!

    John, there’s no need for you to apologize for the rest of us. We didn’t have anything to do with his idiotic comments.

  5. Pat M says:

    This man sounds deranged. It may sound hilarious on the surface, but coupled with his turtle burning past, he really sounds imbalanced. This is the kind of nut job that ends up shooting people at random.

  6. Nica says:

    word. torturing animals. not a normal boy activity. this can be discerned by how few cheerleaders show up at such events.

  7. k says:

    Really, torture? How many boys do you know that set bugs, critters, snakes ext on fire, smash it, attach it to a rocket…that just sounds like a boy to me…but I guess you can make anything sound terrible just as long as you put the right spin on it. Because we all have perfect kids now don’t we ;)

  8. Murphy says:

    Here is the latest tirade…

    Published July 01, 2013, 11:33 PM
    Letter: What next for sex revolution?
    The modern sexual revolution began with “the pill” in the early 1960s. It inadvertently produced so many unwanted babies that abortion on demand was legalized by the Supreme Court in 1973.

    By: Michael A. Ross Hawley, Minn., INFORUM

    The modern sexual revolution began with “the pill” in the early 1960s. It inadvertently produced so many unwanted babies that abortion on demand was legalized by the Supreme Court in 1973. The homosexual revolution began in 1969, and we can now say it is nearing complete success with a dozen states legalizing gay “marriage.” With the Boy Scouts capitulating and the Supreme Court set to rule the feds’ position on the matter, and organizations such as Exodus International, which attempted to treat same-sex attractions by “reparative therapy,” going out of existence, I think we can agree that the gay revolution has prevailed.

    Where to now? Any guesses? I don’t know, but anything is possible.

    Try this when you have a minute: Google “pedophilia caused by gene.” See if that gives us a clue as to what is next on the road to total depravity. A half-century ago we crossed the rubicon when we discarded the norm of sexual activity confined to the bonds of heterosexual marriage.

    Since, we have done everything morally and financially that has brought civilizations to an end. Predictably, clergy and social conservative politicians are warning that moral collapse is coming. Not so. Moral collapse has long since occurred. Economic and societal will follow. We can now only pray that it happens before the pedophiles also get their “rights.”

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